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Dealing with Change, Both Good and Bad

  • By drirene
  • 12 Jun, 2008
For those who have seen me recently, you know that there’s a lot of that going on in my work life.  The new office came with a beautiful view and a few surprises.  The building has been under construction and has looked more like a “war zone” than an office building.  But still, despite all the chaos of moving and of moving into a building under construction, I have found myself at peace with the process. 
This has gotten me thinking about the process of change and how it can be both the most exciting and the most stressful experience. And, this has gotten me thinking about that old cliché, “sometimes things have to get worse before they get better.”
So many times, people have said to me, “Dr. Irene, I know I came to see you because I needed to make some important changes in my life.   But, now that I’ve started to make those changes, I almost feel worse.   I’m not sure if this is worth it.”
Whenever we make changes in our lives, both major and minor ones, we create a new sensation in our body, our mind and our spirit.   In our body, this sensation can present itself as increased heart rate, tightness in the chest or muscles, and a sense of a different kind of energy in our body.   In the mind, this sensation can present itself as “obsessing” over ever thought or decision about the event, difficulty concentrating on other things, and changes in mood.   In the spirit, this can lead to feelings of uncertainty and discomfort.
What fascinates me most is that these sensations can be interpreted as either anxiety or excitement.   In fact, the primary difference in the experience of anxiety or excitement is in whether you see the situation for its potential good outcomes or for all the things that could go wrong.  
This is where that old cliché comes in.   In that moment of time when we don’t quite know what to make of the situation, our experience is that the process of making the change is more uncomfortable than the situation we wanted to change.   We want to know how things will end.   It’s like we’re watching a suspenseful thriller of a movie and all of a sudden there’s a break, leaving us uncomfortably yelling at the TV while we have to watch some ridiculous commercial and wonder what happens next.   That moment is very uncomfortable.
But, once we begin to formulate an opinion about how things are going – do they seem to be going well or do they seem be going not so well – and, we communicate that opinion to our body, mind and spirit, the situation begins to change.   The sensations begin to make sense.   We begin to see things for the beauty of their potential.
So, I guess what I’m suggesting is, before you start panicking about the process of the change, the construction of your future if you will, give yourself some time to unfold the progress and make sense of the outcome.   Once the dust clears and you begin to see the potential of the situation, things can look rather exciting.
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By Irina Kerzhnerman January 15, 2019
I had an interesting conversation with a client this week about the meaning of the words Gratitude and Change. The client had come to the realization that his definition of Gratitude was actually holding him back from working towards Change in certain areas of his life.

In the arena of well-being care, we loudly and regularly support the importance of gratitude.  It is an accepted "truth" that appreciating what one has in life supports feelings of joy, contentment and satisfaction.  But, this client came across an interesting dilemma.  By defining Gratitude as "I have everything I want out of life", he found himself in a paradox.  He found himself not giving himself permission to explore the changes he wanted to make and how they would enhance his satisfaction in himself because that somehow felt "ungrateful."

In our conversation, we came to the awareness that my client was stuck in a This OR That trap.  In trying to figure out if he was grateful for his life, he had created two categories - grateful and ungrateful - and was trying to determine which one he fit in.  But, that mental trap created a categorization that isn't accurate.  He was finding himself both This AND That.  He was fully grateful for the blessings of his life. AND, he was ready to explore ways that he can challenge himself to achieve new things. Ironically, without embracing that both can exist at the same time, he was standing in his way of truly having either.

Think about the areas of your life that are just not as satisfying as you would like them to be.  Are you settling for those areas to be mediocre because you are choosing to focus on your blessings? Are you asking yourself to choose between This OR That in such a way that you don't feel empowered to make changes or feel guilty about wanting more? What if you could do both?

Challenge yourself to define Gratitude as the awareness of your strengths, your blessings and all the things that make your life what you want it to be. Gratitude is not about "my life is perfect." Gratitude is being thankful for the personal power, strength and courage to go out there and always strive for more challenges.




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If you're familiar at all with the Serenity Prayer, then the title of this post will be very familiar. 

So much of our time and energy can be wasted trying to change something that is outside of our control or neglecting to do something that could bring about something we want.  Without exception, this always brings about frustration and agitation.

Serenity, or peace of mind and heart, comes from being able to accept that there are things in our world that we just do not have the power or ability to change.  They are outside our domain and outside of our ability to control.  Mostly, this falls under the actions of other people.  When what we want most is dependent on someone else doing something in a specific way, we need to remember that we cannot make someone do something.  The only part we can control is our actions.  Sometimes, that means changing our approach to the situation or having the courage to step outside our comfort zone and do something new.  Sometimes, that means accepting that we cannot have what we want exactly how we want it.  And, although this can bring profound disappointment, disappointment is better than the frustration and anger that comes with continuing to put effort into something that cannot go our way.

The other line in the Serenity Prayer is "...and the wisdom to know the difference."  The hardest part can be evaluating a situation to determine where the need for courage ends and the need for acceptance begins.  Each situation is different. Often we feel like accepting is the same as giving up.  But, it isn't.  Accepting allows us to know our limits and put our resources into other things that stand a chance at bringing us happiness.

Wishing you Serenity, Acceptance, Courage and Wisdom!


By drirene December 4, 2018
  It seems like a simple question but it’s not one that we tend to think about often.  How much do you value your strengths and gifts? And why does it matter? Continue Reading
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Freedom.  Countless people have valued it, fought for it and even gave their life for it.  Why?  Why do people place such importance on the concept of having the ability to follow there hearts, honor their own beliefs and pursue … Continue reading →
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