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Blog Post

The Benefits of Dreaming Big

  • By Irina Kerzhnerman
  • 16 Apr, 2019

Why should I try if I don't know that I will succeed?

My brother-in-law ran the Boston Marathon yesterday.  Today I sent him a message congratulating him on his race.  In that message, I wrote "I admire the dedication and question the sanity of marathon runners." I chuckled at myself and the truth of that statement.  All day yesterday, as I tracked his progress in a 26.2 mile run, I kept asking myself, "why would people do that on purpose?" So, today, I chose to actually think about that and take a stab at an answer.

Clearly by my question, I am not an athlete.  I am not motivated to push my body beyond it's comforts to see how far it will go.  But, in my life, I have undertaken some challenges that might have made others scratch their head and wonder why someone would take on such a task (like getting a doctorate degree, perhaps). So, why do we do it? Why do we push ourselves to such purposeful discomfort just to achieve a goal? Why would we set a goal that we know will require us to sacrifice, be dedicated beyond reason at times and experience degrees of pain that others avoid by simple choice?  

The answer I keep coming back to is - to show myself that I can.  When you ask yourself to begin a goal that at first appears insurmountable, you don't do it because you are confident you will succeed or know that you will be good at it.  You do it to test what you are made of, to see what you can do.  Along the way, you get to know and understand the noisy nonsense in your head - the thoughts and fears that are the backbone of the excuses that you make.  You ask yourself to be a problem solver, a trouble shooter, a manager, a coach and a motivational speaker.  You get annoyed with yourself for whining when you just don't feel like being uncomfortable anymore and silence that voice by replacing it with the strength and dedication it takes to do something before you feel like it.  You learn about all your strengths, most of your weaknesses and maybe even find some aspects of yourself you never knew you had.

In the end, when you're standing at the finish line, whatever yours may be, you can say that you ran a good race.  You may not have always been graceful. You may have gasped for air a few times or had to slow down for a cramp. But, you finished the race.  You did something that most other people would not even consider to be a sane thing to do.  You know more about yourself than you ever did or ever could if you hadn't done the journey.

So, I think I need to rethink my message to my brother in law.  I admire the dedication and respect the sanity of marathon runners (although, I still don't even like driving that far on some days).

I encourage you to dream big. Do something that someone else will think you crazy for trying it. Learn things about yourself that you can only learn by running the marathon of something big.


 
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I had an interesting conversation with a client this week about the meaning of the words Gratitude and Change. The client had come to the realization that his definition of Gratitude was actually holding him back from working towards Change in certain areas of his life.

In the arena of well-being care, we loudly and regularly support the importance of gratitude.  It is an accepted "truth" that appreciating what one has in life supports feelings of joy, contentment and satisfaction.  But, this client came across an interesting dilemma.  By defining Gratitude as "I have everything I want out of life", he found himself in a paradox.  He found himself not giving himself permission to explore the changes he wanted to make and how they would enhance his satisfaction in himself because that somehow felt "ungrateful."

In our conversation, we came to the awareness that my client was stuck in a This OR That trap.  In trying to figure out if he was grateful for his life, he had created two categories - grateful and ungrateful - and was trying to determine which one he fit in.  But, that mental trap created a categorization that isn't accurate.  He was finding himself both This AND That.  He was fully grateful for the blessings of his life. AND, he was ready to explore ways that he can challenge himself to achieve new things. Ironically, without embracing that both can exist at the same time, he was standing in his way of truly having either.

Think about the areas of your life that are just not as satisfying as you would like them to be.  Are you settling for those areas to be mediocre because you are choosing to focus on your blessings? Are you asking yourself to choose between This OR That in such a way that you don't feel empowered to make changes or feel guilty about wanting more? What if you could do both?

Challenge yourself to define Gratitude as the awareness of your strengths, your blessings and all the things that make your life what you want it to be. Gratitude is not about "my life is perfect." Gratitude is being thankful for the personal power, strength and courage to go out there and always strive for more challenges.




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So much of our time and energy can be wasted trying to change something that is outside of our control or neglecting to do something that could bring about something we want.  Without exception, this always brings about frustration and agitation.

Serenity, or peace of mind and heart, comes from being able to accept that there are things in our world that we just do not have the power or ability to change.  They are outside our domain and outside of our ability to control.  Mostly, this falls under the actions of other people.  When what we want most is dependent on someone else doing something in a specific way, we need to remember that we cannot make someone do something.  The only part we can control is our actions.  Sometimes, that means changing our approach to the situation or having the courage to step outside our comfort zone and do something new.  Sometimes, that means accepting that we cannot have what we want exactly how we want it.  And, although this can bring profound disappointment, disappointment is better than the frustration and anger that comes with continuing to put effort into something that cannot go our way.

The other line in the Serenity Prayer is "...and the wisdom to know the difference."  The hardest part can be evaluating a situation to determine where the need for courage ends and the need for acceptance begins.  Each situation is different. Often we feel like accepting is the same as giving up.  But, it isn't.  Accepting allows us to know our limits and put our resources into other things that stand a chance at bringing us happiness.

Wishing you Serenity, Acceptance, Courage and Wisdom!


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