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Pomp and Circumstance….and Now what?

  • By drirene
  • 04 Jun, 2007
It’s that time of year – Graduation time!  The walk across the stage is a time of excitement and a time to take pride in all your hard work.  Congratulations to all the graduates for your accomplishments and commitment to your education!!
Having been in several graduations while becoming a psychologist, I remember thinking, “Now that I have all this knowledge, what direction do I go?”  And the irony was it happened every time – when I graduated high school, when I completed my undergraduate degree and even when I received my doctorate. 
Formal education teaches us to discover our interests and, if we’re lucky, set goals.  Setting goals is an important first step to turning our interests into careers that bring us feelings of satisfaction (and, in most cases, income).  But, setting goals is not enough.  Turning those goals into realities takes focus, planning, problem-solving, creativity, motivation and perseverance. Getting all those things to come together can be a real challenge.  And, when they don’t, the frustration is like no other.  That frustration can then stand in the way of continuing to work towards a dream or, worse yet, from believing in yourself.
In the years of helping myself and others achieve goals, here are some helpful hints to get you started:
  1. Acknowledge accomplishments –To be successful, you have to believe in yourself.  What better proof of your abilities than your past track record! Taking the time to acknowledge your past successes emphasizes that future success is possible.
  2. Be specific – The road to success must be well-paved.  The more specific you are, the more likely you are to keep going until you realize your dream.
  3. Break it up – To help you stay motivated, break the goal down into smaller, more quickly achievable parts.  That way you get rewarded at each step with a sense of accomplishment.
  4. Ask for directions – Guidance and support from friends and family is critical.  Staying focused and energized in the pursuit of a goal is hard enough without having to do it all alone.  The biggest leaders of industry all had a mentor at some point.
  5. Learn from the pros – A qualified solution-focused therapist or life coach can help you clarify your goals, plan for their success, stay motivated and focused despite life’s distractions and help problem-solve the plan if things go off course.  Not sure about your goal? Career counseling can guide you in exploring opportunities.  In most cases, a few sessions over a short period of time can help move you towards realizing your ultimate success. This as an investment in your future.  Don’t believe this can be helpful? Do some research!  Many of the most influential and successful people in leading industries work with professional coaches to achieve results. 
So, hats off graduates and families!  You have now proven that you can complete a goal once you set your mind to it.  Now, your future is only limited by your next goal! 
 
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By Irina Kerzhnerman 15 Jan, 2019
I had an interesting conversation with a client this week about the meaning of the words Gratitude and Change. The client had come to the realization that his definition of Gratitude was actually holding him back from working towards Change in certain areas of his life.

In the arena of well-being care, we loudly and regularly support the importance of gratitude.  It is an accepted "truth" that appreciating what one has in life supports feelings of joy, contentment and satisfaction.  But, this client came across an interesting dilemma.  By defining Gratitude as "I have everything I want out of life", he found himself in a paradox.  He found himself not giving himself permission to explore the changes he wanted to make and how they would enhance his satisfaction in himself because that somehow felt "ungrateful."

In our conversation, we came to the awareness that my client was stuck in a This OR That trap.  In trying to figure out if he was grateful for his life, he had created two categories - grateful and ungrateful - and was trying to determine which one he fit in.  But, that mental trap created a categorization that isn't accurate.  He was finding himself both This AND That.  He was fully grateful for the blessings of his life. AND, he was ready to explore ways that he can challenge himself to achieve new things. Ironically, without embracing that both can exist at the same time, he was standing in his way of truly having either.

Think about the areas of your life that are just not as satisfying as you would like them to be.  Are you settling for those areas to be mediocre because you are choosing to focus on your blessings? Are you asking yourself to choose between This OR That in such a way that you don't feel empowered to make changes or feel guilty about wanting more? What if you could do both?

Challenge yourself to define Gratitude as the awareness of your strengths, your blessings and all the things that make your life what you want it to be. Gratitude is not about "my life is perfect." Gratitude is being thankful for the personal power, strength and courage to go out there and always strive for more challenges.




By Irina Kerzhnerman, PhD 11 Dec, 2018
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If you're familiar at all with the Serenity Prayer, then the title of this post will be very familiar. 

So much of our time and energy can be wasted trying to change something that is outside of our control or neglecting to do something that could bring about something we want.  Without exception, this always brings about frustration and agitation.

Serenity, or peace of mind and heart, comes from being able to accept that there are things in our world that we just do not have the power or ability to change.  They are outside our domain and outside of our ability to control.  Mostly, this falls under the actions of other people.  When what we want most is dependent on someone else doing something in a specific way, we need to remember that we cannot make someone do something.  The only part we can control is our actions.  Sometimes, that means changing our approach to the situation or having the courage to step outside our comfort zone and do something new.  Sometimes, that means accepting that we cannot have what we want exactly how we want it.  And, although this can bring profound disappointment, disappointment is better than the frustration and anger that comes with continuing to put effort into something that cannot go our way.

The other line in the Serenity Prayer is "...and the wisdom to know the difference."  The hardest part can be evaluating a situation to determine where the need for courage ends and the need for acceptance begins.  Each situation is different. Often we feel like accepting is the same as giving up.  But, it isn't.  Accepting allows us to know our limits and put our resources into other things that stand a chance at bringing us happiness.

Wishing you Serenity, Acceptance, Courage and Wisdom!


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