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Are You Ready for A Change?

  • By drirene
  • 17 Oct, 2007
Research on human behavior suggests that there are 5 stages of preparing to make a change in your life.   Your intentions, motivations and actions will differ depending on which stage you are in at the time.  
According to psychology researchers Prochaska and DiClemente, these are the stages that we all must go through in order to be capable of change in our lives:
Precontemplation is the stage at which there is no intention to change behavior in the foreseeable future. “Pre” meaning before and “Contemplation” meaning thinking about it.   Many individuals in this stage are unaware or under-aware of their problems.   Because of this, they haven’t even started thinking about the situation as something that needs to be changed. Depending on what the situation is, staying in precontemplation too long can have serious negative consequences.  This may be stage when others have noticed the need for change and are starting to bring it to your attention.
Contemplation is the stage in which people are aware that a change is necessary and are seriously thinking about it but have not yet made a commitment to take action.   The individual at this stage is willing to think about making changes or may even be willing to plan to make a change “some day.”   However, the individual at this stage is not motivated enough to take the necessary steps at this point in time.   Expecting behaviors to change at this stage would be unrealistic.  This could set you up for frustration or, worse yet, a feeling that you just can’t do it.  The truth is – you’re just not yet ready to do it.
Preparation is a stage that combines intention and changes in behaviors. Individuals in this stage are intending to take action in the next month or so.   They might start making small changes in an effort to get started.   An individual in this stage is actively making plans, has a clear understanding of what they need to do and why they need to do it, and might be testing out small changes.   But, it would be unrealistic to expect at this stage that the person would be consistent in action or fully committed to making necessary changes.  You might call this the trial-and-error phase.
Action is the stage in which individuals modify their actions, experiences, or environment in order to achieve their goal. Action requires considerable commitment of time and energy.   Planning and structure are an important part of taking motivation and turning it into changes in actions.  This is where the good stuff happens!
Maintenance is the stage in which people work to prevent going back to old habits and focus on staying on track for the long haul.   For some, this is the hardest stage of all.   Some people will slip back into preparation at times or falter in their resolve to action.   At this stage, it is critical to have a solid plan for staying on track or, at least, not slipping back past preparation.
Think about something that you have been wanting to change or something that other’s have been suggesting you change.  Think about what you would need to do if you, hypothetically, decided to put effort into making it happen.  Then, think about each one of those tasks and identify for yourself – are you thinking about it? making small changes in trying to get started? fully committed to it? or, working on keeping it up?
Success is not just in the completion of the change…success lies in doing the best you can at the stage you are in and being aware of what comes next.
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I had an interesting conversation with a client this week about the meaning of the words Gratitude and Change. The client had come to the realization that his definition of Gratitude was actually holding him back from working towards Change in certain areas of his life.

In the arena of well-being care, we loudly and regularly support the importance of gratitude.  It is an accepted "truth" that appreciating what one has in life supports feelings of joy, contentment and satisfaction.  But, this client came across an interesting dilemma.  By defining Gratitude as "I have everything I want out of life", he found himself in a paradox.  He found himself not giving himself permission to explore the changes he wanted to make and how they would enhance his satisfaction in himself because that somehow felt "ungrateful."

In our conversation, we came to the awareness that my client was stuck in a This OR That trap.  In trying to figure out if he was grateful for his life, he had created two categories - grateful and ungrateful - and was trying to determine which one he fit in.  But, that mental trap created a categorization that isn't accurate.  He was finding himself both This AND That.  He was fully grateful for the blessings of his life. AND, he was ready to explore ways that he can challenge himself to achieve new things. Ironically, without embracing that both can exist at the same time, he was standing in his way of truly having either.

Think about the areas of your life that are just not as satisfying as you would like them to be.  Are you settling for those areas to be mediocre because you are choosing to focus on your blessings? Are you asking yourself to choose between This OR That in such a way that you don't feel empowered to make changes or feel guilty about wanting more? What if you could do both?

Challenge yourself to define Gratitude as the awareness of your strengths, your blessings and all the things that make your life what you want it to be. Gratitude is not about "my life is perfect." Gratitude is being thankful for the personal power, strength and courage to go out there and always strive for more challenges.




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If you're familiar at all with the Serenity Prayer, then the title of this post will be very familiar. 

So much of our time and energy can be wasted trying to change something that is outside of our control or neglecting to do something that could bring about something we want.  Without exception, this always brings about frustration and agitation.

Serenity, or peace of mind and heart, comes from being able to accept that there are things in our world that we just do not have the power or ability to change.  They are outside our domain and outside of our ability to control.  Mostly, this falls under the actions of other people.  When what we want most is dependent on someone else doing something in a specific way, we need to remember that we cannot make someone do something.  The only part we can control is our actions.  Sometimes, that means changing our approach to the situation or having the courage to step outside our comfort zone and do something new.  Sometimes, that means accepting that we cannot have what we want exactly how we want it.  And, although this can bring profound disappointment, disappointment is better than the frustration and anger that comes with continuing to put effort into something that cannot go our way.

The other line in the Serenity Prayer is "...and the wisdom to know the difference."  The hardest part can be evaluating a situation to determine where the need for courage ends and the need for acceptance begins.  Each situation is different. Often we feel like accepting is the same as giving up.  But, it isn't.  Accepting allows us to know our limits and put our resources into other things that stand a chance at bringing us happiness.

Wishing you Serenity, Acceptance, Courage and Wisdom!


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